Life Lessons with Lindsay

Learned it the Hard Way

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  • Blanche Only Lies About Food

    Blanche Only Lies About Food

    I’ve had no desire to write since my post a few weeks back regarding anger over being unfairly accused/treated. Honestly, I think I am still very disappointed in people and society in general. And I am not moving past it as quickly as I wish I could. I’m hurt and I can’t seem to let go of it.

    So tonight I was stewing (pondering for non-southerners) over my disappointment in people, my community and politics and what I am going to do with these emotions. I want to be done with it. I want to feel hopeful for people and my community again like I did a few weeks ago, but unfortunately my eyes have been opened and now I have to deal with reality.

    So to what were my eyes opened? First is that my community is content without progress. This doesn’t hurt my feelings, but it does change my plans. I was in the process of opening a business and shifted completely. If you think about it, that is a major shift in a short period of time. I kind of feel like I am back at the top of the arch in St. Louis and my equilibrium is off. I’m not falling but I can definitely feel the swaying. If I make any sudden moves or close my eyes I may tump over. Where I had hoped to invest in my hometown to help sustain it, I no longer feel the need to do so. My future is no longer intertwined with this community. I am accepting that and shifting my mindset.

    The second thing is the one that truly hurt. I have always believed that most people have good intentions. That most may accidentally hurt someone but would not do so knowingly. Over the years life has taught me to see people in the same light as I see myself. Flawed but not intentionally seeking to harm others. But my recent experience showed that to be wrong. While yes, most of the time people don’t have bad intentions, sometimes people are willing to damage whoever to get what they want.

    Feel strongly about something? Well by all means, damage whoever’s reputation and make whatever accusations necessary to get your way. Want to sway people to your way of thinking? Drag the people that view it differently through the mud. This is the true way of this world. Instead of educating ourselves, stating facts and then allowing people to make an educated decision, we choose disrespect and anger.

    So why does that hurt? It hurts because I realized this behavior isn’t just saved for the ridiculous political antics we see on the National news. Even the good people of my hometown are willing to slander friends/acquaintances to get their way. Even in a Bible Belt community, population of 2,200, we can’t seem to see the importance of treating people with respect and kindness. We stir the pot and instigate false public outrage and then smile at the people we just threw under the bus on our way into church.

    So the disappointment drives me to withdraw. People can’t be trusted and friendships are a facade. I want to avoid people, effectively avoiding disappointment in people. I now understand how the pigeon lady in Home Alone 2 felt and why she decided to just hangout with a ton of pigeons. Blanche (my fancy mutt) will never spread lies about me. Well, she does lie every day and tell people I don’t feed her, but the outrage is minimal considering her waistline gives her away.

    “I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you”.

    So what am I doing? I am fighting against the urge to withdraw. And trust me, I am currently losing the fight. I am not writing this from the mountain top. I am writing this with only one of my hiking boots on trying to convince myself to finish getting dressed and start the trek up the mountain. But, I am writing this knowing that I will start the hike.

    If you are hurting this season, please let me encourage you. We are all flawed and have deeply hurt someone over the years. We aren’t the first to be disappointed in humanity, and we certainly won’t be the last. But withdrawing can only be temporary. We can withdraw, reflect and heal, but we can’t stay separate from the world and live as we are called to live. Let’s take some time to heal and then put our boots on and start the trek.

  • MAD, BIG MAD

    MAD, BIG MAD

    Today I am mad. And I mean the kind of mad that I know the Lord isn’t happy with me about. As a matter of fact, I realize that in the middle of my anger and still cannot calm myself down. That’s the kind of mad that can get me in trouble quick. So I am choosing to write here instead of spending time on social media where the fight is tonight.

    Today I felt personally attacked. Someone asked for an indictment against me without knowing me or having any proof of the allegations. Truth be told, I have been known to bend the law a little, but not in the sense of these allegations. More of in the sense of being the driver in a “rolling” outing or encouraging the throwing of firecrackers into neighbors yards for entertainment value. You know, good clean fun as I call it. No property damage and a little character building. I digress.

    As I sit here stewing over the issue, I have found myself thinking that I now know why so many people become bitter and skeptical. It’s because life is truly not fair and most of us have more than enough reasons to not believe in good. I am teetering at that point currently. You know, the point where I say screw everyone else, I will only look out for me and mine. Every man for himself and all that. But….I know I’m not allowed to be that way.

    Why you ask. Because apparently I’m flawed too. Heck, if I think hard enough, I can probably come up with a time (or two) that I pushed someone closer to skepticism and bitterness. Yes, that’s right. Turns out that even though I am sitting here good and worked up, I can still see through my anger (at least until I am back in the middle of the fight) to know that I am not above the hardships of life.

    I am a severely flawed individual, and no matter my good intentions, I am far beyond perfect. But perfection doesn’t even matter in this case. There was one perfect person to live (yes here I go with the Jesus talk) and he suffered enough injustice to make Him the most bitter skeptic that ever walked the face of the earth. And yet, He was selfless to the end.

    I will never achieve that kind of selflessness. I will also make mistakes because as smart as I think I am, I can never know everything and see the overall plan. So why would I be immune from people acting like jerks? Needless to say guys, I am still big mad and that is going to take some time to get over. But in the end, I will have to force myself to push away the bitterness. Not because I am that good of a person (as you can tell from my blog), but because I am called to try.

    Lord, help me to not let these jerks wear me down. You deserve more from me.

  • Galinda the Sourdough Starter

    I have a tendency to act on impulse. I like to say that it keeps things interesting, but in all reality, it keeps things hectic. You never know when I will get a wild hair up my butt (classy, I know) to buy chickens, paint a room, or take my first stab at sourdough starters. Tonight happened to be the sourdough starter night. 😬

    After making chicken Caesar sliders at my daughter’s request and no bake chocolate oatmeal cookies at my son’s request and cleaning the kitchen, I finally sat down to relax. But all it took was one sourdough video and I was back up. I roped Sweet Cheeks into helping and she insisted that we name our starter. I recommended Patricia, but she went straight to Galinda in recognition of our excitement over the upcoming release of Wicked: For Good. We had the discussion about if it fails and she decided we would just add another “a” and call the new one Gaalinda. And just like that, we became sourdough people. Or did we?!

    We sat back down and I then began to read about how to feed it and cook with it. I realized soon after that sourdough is an obligation that takes work. As a matter of fact, I have been laying in bed for two hours reading about how to care for my starter, what all I can cook with it and whether it has digestive benefits if I use the recipes that call for adding commercial yeast. Needless to say, these are things that all should have been researched prior to mixing and naming Galinda. But…..here we are.

    My lack of planning and impulsivity is not the endearing quality I wish it was. As a matter of fact, I would even say it often has the opposite effect. There are many times that Big Daddy has to tell me to slow my roll. There are also times that he just goes with it knowing that reversing it will be his job later. Either way, he tolerates it pretty well all things considered. But let me get where I am going in this thought process so you can go make and name your sourdough starter too. (Patricia is still available).

    I am of the opinion that sometimes impulses are just passing ideas. But sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes they are a step, maybe even a push, into a new way of life. Acting on every impulse is not a good thing, but a willingness to act on some could pivot your life onto the perfect path without you realizing it at the time. Now I am not saying that Galinda the sourdough will change us for the good (see what I did there) but there have been so many “coincidental” moments in my life that have changed my trajectory.

    As I have gotten older, I have come to recognize that while some of these moments are just me being impulsive, some are divine intervention. I have learned to try to live life with my eyes and ears wide open, alert to what God would direct me to each day. When He tells me to change trajectory, burdens me to speak to someone outside of my normal group or not go to a specific place, acting on impulse may be the exact thing to do.

    The rest of the world may not understand. Those closest to you may question your reasons. But discernment and a willingness to do things that don’t always make sense could lead you down the perfect path. It could also lead you to committing to feeding a bacterial growth daily. Either way, you could be changed for the better.

    Remain open and willing to go against the grain. Let me know how that works out for you and I will let you know how Galinda is doing. ❤️

  • Shawn the Friendly Non-Employee at Lowe’s

    Shawn the Friendly Non-Employee at Lowe’s

    Y’all remember that tile we ordered that took forever to come in and almost caused me to act ugly to the sales rep? Well, it finally came in!!!!! Even though it took four extra weeks to come in, it is everything I had hoped for.

    Okay, all of that aside, we had to run to Lowe’s to get some other supplies for the tile project to get kicked off. Those supplies included 14 large piece of backer board. I was still dressed in my work clothes and heels, so my assisting was more dangerous than helpful. As I diligently held the cart steady, Big Daddy loaded these large boards one at a time. Out of nowhere, a kind man asked how many we needed to load and then helped load them all up. We thanked him, asked his name and continued to the checkout line.

    Upon completing our checkout, the gentleman, who we now know by the name of Shawn, was walking out at the same time and offered to help load them up. Mind you, Shawn is not in a Lowe’s uniform and has zero obligation to assist us. He is simply a kind soul who we were blessed to encounter. Big Daddy asked if he would let us pay him something for the help. He said it wasn’t necessary but if we would like he wouldn’t say no. We paid him and loaded up. As we prepared to leave we watched as he got into a nice vehicle and left the parking lot.

    Now this encounter would elicit many different responses from individuals, but I’m only going to tell you my thoughts. First, WOW! Shawn was so kind and helpful that I truly saw the Lord in him. Shawn treated us with kindness and respect and we did the same in return. It filled my heart with joy to interact with him.

    It shouldn’t matter (and doesn’t to us), but Shawn is African American. In the area where we were, interactions between races can vary from kind to hateful. Let me be clear in saying that this is not a one race problem. Hate has been instilled in so many families based on so many factors. On the flip side of that, love has been instilled in many families and for that I am so thankful.

    In addition to Shawn’s overwhelming kindness, I was also impressed by his work ethic. Because of our jobs and regular presence with teenagers we know how rare work ethic is today. Any one willing to go the extra mile, whether seeking pay or not, is good by me. Encountering Shawn was a gift to us that day on many levels. It reminded us of the great people in the world and just how far a little kindness goes in making someone’s day.

    I have made it a point to be more like Shawn as I go through my day. I don’t know that we need #BeLikeShawn rubber bracelets or anything like that, but I do think remembering the difference kindness makes is so very important for us all. Maybe we have to fake it until we make it, but I figure after a while it will become second nature. #BeLikeShawn 😉

  • Get Over Yourself

    “If you want a fulfilling life, you need healthy relationships. And to build those kinds of relationships, you need to get over yourself.” – John C. Maxwell

    I read this quote today and immediately thought of a person who needed to read it. Yes, I said that. I considered sending it in a group text hoping that the person would read it and have an epiphany. I really put some thought into how this person fails at getting over themselves. I read the quote a few more times and as I re-read it the realization finally hit me. I needed to read it as much as the person I was thinking of passive aggressively sending it to.

    You see, we are selfish by nature from very early on. Don’t believe me? Think about how many parents over the years have worked hard to teach their children to share. Think about how self-centered most teenagers are naturally. Both of my teenagers, who I love more than life itself, are selfish turds sometimes. Not because they are bad kids, but because even my sweet, angel babies need to get over themselves sometimes.

    For example, our beautiful daughter who we affectionately call sweet cheeks due to having the cutest little chubby cheeks when she was little, is a food snob. I can’t say she is picky because she likes a very wide variety of food, but she is truly a food snob. If something we cook doesn’t sound good to her at the time, she will cook herself a pasta dish with the richest homemade sauce because that sounds good. But in the situation where we are traveling and we choose a restaurant that doesn’t sound good to her, she acts like a complete donkey. She gets mopey, decides she doesn’t want anything to eat at all and turns inward. Even when she tries to hide it, we can clearly tell that it bothers her to not get her way. I recognize all of this because our Sweet Cheeks is me made over. As we say here in south Arkansas, she is plucked right out my hind end, so I understand her better than she wishes to admit.

    We all have some strong preferences in certain areas and we all have cultural/ethical norms we feel very passionately about. But the truth is that most of the preferences/norms we get our panties in a wod about are really just that, personal preferences. Now I am not talking about true moral rights and wrongs here. That is another conversation. I am talking about personal preferences that we sometimes allow to take precedence over relationships.

    I know, I know. The jump between moping about a restaurant to having meaningful relationships can seem like a big one, but in reality it is very closely linked. As selfish creatures we have to train ourselves to put our preferences aside for the sake of those around us. Hopefully our parents helped instill this in us, but then we have to continue to work at selflessness. Those small negotiable preferences are how we continue to train ourselves to be humble. Being content with the restaurant choice allows us to dine with our family and be an active part of the conversations, deepening relationships. Allowing ourselves to quickly feel disappointed and then move past disappointment into being present is a sign of maturity and a great life skill.

    Recognizing that the emotions are natural but not always healthy is important. And recognizing what are negotiable personal preferences vs non-negotiable beliefs is also important. The non-negotiable beliefs are worth standing up for and your willingness to let the negotiable items pass helps people to truly understand your passion when you choose a strong stance. If you are hard-nosed about everything, you are just a butthole. But if you choose arguments wisely, you will create deep relationships that allow you greater influence for the important stances.

    So in the words of the great Kent Murphy, “let’s break this down from a fundamental standpoint.” We all need meaningful relationships to live a life worth living. But in order to have healthy relationships we have to be willing to put ourselves second sometimes. The ability to truly know ourselves and become better should be a challenge we are all willing to take. If learning to “get over myself” means I can draw closer to my friends and family, then that is my desire. Meaningful relationships with my family and friends are a true gift I am unwilling to ruin due to my pride. I hope you too will get over yourself for the sake of your relationships.

  • If they aren’t against you, they’re for you.

    Y’all already know that I’m a slow learner. The things that it has taken me forty one years to figure out is sometimes embarrassing. For example, did y’all know that AD does not stand for “after death?” Also, this one is significantly more embarrassing, but did you know that pineapples don’t grow on trees? I just learned that this past March while visiting family in Hawaii.

    But aside from some of those less important things (I’ll never grow a pineapple in Arkansas so it really isn’t that important to me), I am slow on the uptake on some pretty big things. There are some lessons that could have saved me so much heartache if I had just paid attention earlier in life. Today I learned another one of those lessons. The person who is not against me is for me.

    I know that seems like such a simple statement, and some could even argue that it isn’t accurate, but in its simplest form it is such a powerfully true statement. If they aren’t against me, they’re for me. You are wondering why this matters at all (or maybe why you are reading this blog) so let me share a bit about why.

    I asked Big Daddy his opinion on the Super Bowl halftime show performer choice today. I expected one of his passionate political speeches, but instead I got this response. Well I really don’t know much about him, I don’t really watch professional football, and I don’t spend any resources on NFL, so it really doesn’t affect me. What?! What is this passive statement that my high strung husband just made? But it’s true! We don’t have a dog in this fight, so we have no reason to be offended or up in arms.

    In the meantime, I read Luke 9:50 that says “But Jesus said to him, “Do not stop him, for the one who is not against you is for you.” I won’t go into the context of the verse, but I will go into the deep meaning of the verse. If someone isn’t impeding my worship, they are not my enemy. We can’t expect people who are not like-minded to behave in a similar manner. If they aren’t standing in my way, then they are just someone with different opinions and norms, not the enemy.

    I think about the many times that I feel at odds with people for various reasons. I also think about the times that I had preconceived ideas of people only to find out I was completely wrong after getting to know them. What is it about humans that makes us want to put our guard up and prepare for a fight that need not happen? Why do I place people in the enemy group when they are not against me?

    We do this because we are filled with pride and cannot imagine someone not seeing how right and wise we truly are. Imagine the gall of him disagreeing with me. Imagine the half-time performer dressing differently than me or speaking a different language than I do. How dare every person not think and act exactly like I do?! (The world does not need an abundance of my behavior) That seems extreme, but it is often the way we see the world. We see enemies where, in truth, we should only see different people needing the same kind of love.

    Today I was reminded that every person that disagrees or lives differently from me is not the enemy. They are either a sinner saved by grace or a sinner who has not found the amazing love of our Father. If we are unwilling to visit with the woman at the well or have dinner with the tax collector, how can we truly serve like Jesus?

    So again I say, if they aren’t against me, they’re for me. If they aren’t standing in my way then I have no reason to fight them. But, I do have every reason to love them right where they are at.

  • Frustrated. Not Mad.

    Frustrated. Not Mad.

    Three weeks ago we ordered tile to have our leaking shower redone. On the day we ordered we were told that there was a two week lead time on delivery. Today I called to check on the status of the tile only to be told that it is on back order and that it would be another two to three weeks before it came in. As I sat on the phone with the very nonchalant store representative I felt my temper rising. I quickly ended the call.

    Once off of the call my sweet, handsome baby boy remarked that “crash-out Lindsay” almost came out. (That is what my kids call me when I allow my temper to get the best of me.) He quickly said he loved me and excused himself out of fear. As funny as this is sometimes, my kids know that sometimes I just need a few minutes to work through things quietly to get myself under control.

    Big Daddy and I got wrapped up visiting with a kitchen full of teenagers, so we did not circle back to this problem until hours later. By this time I had moved past my knee jerk reaction and was able to look at the situation more reasonably. Here is how that conversation went in a very quick synopsis.

    I haven’t seen another tile that I like as much as the one I ordered. Even if I find another one I like, it will most likely be a two week lead time. It is probably prudent to just be patient. Big Daddy guided me through this self reflection over our appetizer and I then came to this conclusion.

    I guess I will have to be frustrated, but not mad. As we see it, there is no other ideal solution. That means there is no point of me being mad and cancelling my order. It will only create more stress for us. So, I will be frustrated, but I can’t stew in anger. It won’t do me any good.

    I know tile is a small thing in life, but my reaction could have made it a big thing. I could have been rude to the little tile salesman and demanded all kinds of things that he absolutely could not provide. I could have cancelled my order and demanded a full refund but then what would I do?

    In this situation many of you would say that my anger is justified. You might even be thinking that I should have demanded something to make it right. But when I can remove myself from my emotional response, I simply can’t see it that way. In truth, we have become a society of instant gratification. We have lost the art of self-control and reflection. We are told to do what makes us happy or to live our truth, but that comes at a cost to those around us. Selfishness is seeping into every nook and cranny of our world and consideration for others is becoming obsolete.

    As I have told y’all before, I am still a work in progress. I may have been able to control my response today, but tomorrow “crash-out Lindsay” may make her appearance. But more and more I see God providing breathers for me. He provides me with a distraction that gives me a moment to control my emotions. He provides me with the opportunity to control how I respond to situations and people in order better show His love. Today I chose to be frustrated, not mad and I think both my and the tile salesman’s life is better for it.

    My beautiful, although delayed, tile.

  • Emergency Blankets in My Mom Ride

    My daughter Corrine is a junior in high school who cheers and plays tennis. My son James David is an eighth grader who plays football and is on the 4H Shooting team. They are at the age where everything is funner with friends and they are always on the go. 

    My sweet, handsome baby boy is a man child at roughly 5’ 10” and 200 lbs. About two months ago, he wanted to go to our local state park. He and one of his man child friends planned to kayak and fish. I quickly said yes and then realized I would have to haul them in my cute, sporty, but small SUV. Baby boy was folded up in the front seat. His friend lay across the entire backseat to fit into the car. We then headed to the lake. The two fishing poles dangled next to my face. They ran all the way from the back to the front. 

    On that day I knew it was time for a mom car. Big Daddy encouraged me to make a change. I traded in my sexy little SUV for the ultimate mom vehicle, a GMC Yukon XL. I call it the school bus but I can haul six teenagers like a champ. We roll six deep in this bad boy regularly and I have started coming to peace with my mom car. 

    Tonight, after driving an hour away to a football game, we opened the back to get out our stadium seats. I took a quick mental inventory of the piles of supplies in the back and went on into the game. About halfway through the game the temperature dropped a bit and the mosquitoes swarmed to my pale ankles. I realized I wanted a blanket. I also needed bug spray. I made a note to add both to my mom car supplies. (Everything in my life requires a note or calendar invite. Even date nights with Big Daddy get put on the calendar)

    As I made my note I had one of those ah ha moments. I can either fight it or embrace it. I have two choices. I can become my mom by putting the “just in case” blanket in the back of my car. Alternatively, I can fight it and be cold. I can become the mom that is a try hard (as my kids call it) by having all of the stuff on hand or I can get eaten alive by mosquitoes. 

    As I thought about it I realized that it is too exhausting to fight it. I realized that my mom has that JIC blanket because she is wise and knows that old lady rotten skin requires blankets. I realized that1 having everything in the back of my mom car makes me seem old. However, it also makes me a place of comfort for the people that benefit from my mom car hoarding. 

    So yes, I had an entire world view shift during a Jr. High football game. Since I understand next to nothing about football, it gives me plenty of time for my mind to wander. I squint my old eyes and try to spot baby boy on the field. I was squinting, looking for number 54, and accepting my transition into the mom that has emergency blankets in the back of her mom car. I was accepting my new role in this world, knowing that all too soon my kids will be grown and my role will change again. This is my current calling and I am at peace with it. We may have lost the game, but we won the blanket/bug spray battle. 

  • Peace > Winning

    In my job, I am often in debates. I debate the financial side of the decision because, as the CFO, that is my role. No matter how educated or well-thought-out my argument is, I don’t always get my way. I know, I know, welcome to life. But really, who doesn’t want to get their way all the time?!

    So when I don’t get my way, how am I supposed to respond? If you watch the way politicians behave you would think that I should say hateful things and look to retaliate. (What a disappointment our government has become!) But life has taught me that disagreements are part of life and there are things to learn from them.

    My mom loves to argue. I mean LOVES to argue. I can write this because she knows it to be true and we pick on her about it. Being raised by an argumentative, strong, intelligent woman naturally rubbed off on me. Early in my marriage/career I argued about everything and took “winning” personally. As you can imagine, being young, unwise and argumentative didn’t make me the most desirable person to be around. My abrasiveness, as well as many other life challenges, took its toll on our marriage.
    Big Daddy and I went through some tough times. These challenges forced both of us to look inward. We had to address the flaws we had. My stubbornness and argumentative attitude were top of the list for me.

    During this time I learned, through much prayer and a very wise counselor’s guidance, a few major things.

    I learned that arguing was often counterproductive. It forces people to say things they would never say if not in a heightened emotional state. 
Sometimes having peace in your life is more important than being right. 
Life is not black and white and therefore relationships can’t be either. There are good people who do bad things and there are bad people who do good things. We all fall in one of those two categories.

    So what is my point here? My point is that we will disagree with people everyday over something. It may be insignificant (curtains or blinds). It may also be extremely important (heaven or hell). Still, a difference of opinions does not mean an end of a relationship. If we can’t have cordial conversations, maintaining respect for all involved then we are the problem.

    For me, this has been a learned skill. And those that know me know that I slip up and have to check myself. Sometimes, when my hot flashes are in full swing, I really want to pick a fight. But life has a way of humbling me when I need it most. I am often reminded that a strong opinion doesn’t always equal a right opinion.

    Have the conversation. Respectfully state your opinion. Respectfully listen to others opinions. Discuss the reasoning behind the opinions and then be okay disagreeing. Listen for the lessons to be gleaned in the conversation because you are almost never 💯 correct.

    Then love each other anyway and know that it is okay to love someone you disagree with.

  • Embracing Mediocrity: My Journey of Laughter and Life Lessons

    If you managed to make it to this blog, you most likely know me already and are wondering what in the world I would have to write about OR you have insomnia and the mindless scrolling somehow landed you here. Either way, WELCOME!  My name is Lindsay and I am a middle aged wife/mom/professional who long ago accepted my mediocrity in all areas of my life. The only thing I excel at is laughing loudly at inappropriate times. At that, I am THE BEST!  

    I have two beautiful children, Corrine and James David, with my awesome husband, Matt (aka Big Daddy), who encouraged me to start this blog even if he and I are the only ones who ever read it. I work in finance at a public school district in a small southern town that has one stop light. It happens to be the same school that my husband and I graduated from (5 years apart) and both of our kids will as well. Some would think that is embarrassing but I take pride in it. There are definitely cons to living in a small town but I strongly believe the pros outweigh them. 

    So why do I matter?  I really don’t. Certainly not anymore than any other human being that has ever walked this planet. I am simply a child of God that was too hard headed to learn lessons from others, so I learned them the hard way. My daddy has always said that “learning is associated with pain” and I am proof that is true. I want to use this platform to share my hard earned wisdom and encourage you through life’s trials. So that is what I am going to do. If you never make it to another one of my posts, know that you are uniquely and beautifully made and even if you are mediocre, no one will ever be the exact same type of mediocre you are. If you do read another post I will do my best to give you something better next time.