Life Lessons with Lindsay

“If you want a fulfilling life, you need healthy relationships. And to build those kinds of relationships, you need to get over yourself.” – John C. Maxwell

I read this quote today and immediately thought of a person who needed to read it. Yes, I said that. I considered sending it in a group text hoping that the person would read it and have an epiphany. I really put some thought into how this person fails at getting over themselves. I read the quote a few more times and as I re-read it the realization finally hit me. I needed to read it as much as the person I was thinking of passive aggressively sending it to.

You see, we are selfish by nature from very early on. Don’t believe me? Think about how many parents over the years have worked hard to teach their children to share. Think about how self-centered most teenagers are naturally. Both of my teenagers, who I love more than life itself, are selfish turds sometimes. Not because they are bad kids, but because even my sweet, angel babies need to get over themselves sometimes.

For example, our beautiful daughter who we affectionately call sweet cheeks due to having the cutest little chubby cheeks when she was little, is a food snob. I can’t say she is picky because she likes a very wide variety of food, but she is truly a food snob. If something we cook doesn’t sound good to her at the time, she will cook herself a pasta dish with the richest homemade sauce because that sounds good. But in the situation where we are traveling and we choose a restaurant that doesn’t sound good to her, she acts like a complete donkey. She gets mopey, decides she doesn’t want anything to eat at all and turns inward. Even when she tries to hide it, we can clearly tell that it bothers her to not get her way. I recognize all of this because our Sweet Cheeks is me made over. As we say here in south Arkansas, she is plucked right out my hind end, so I understand her better than she wishes to admit.

We all have some strong preferences in certain areas and we all have cultural/ethical norms we feel very passionately about. But the truth is that most of the preferences/norms we get our panties in a wod about are really just that, personal preferences. Now I am not talking about true moral rights and wrongs here. That is another conversation. I am talking about personal preferences that we sometimes allow to take precedence over relationships.

I know, I know. The jump between moping about a restaurant to having meaningful relationships can seem like a big one, but in reality it is very closely linked. As selfish creatures we have to train ourselves to put our preferences aside for the sake of those around us. Hopefully our parents helped instill this in us, but then we have to continue to work at selflessness. Those small negotiable preferences are how we continue to train ourselves to be humble. Being content with the restaurant choice allows us to dine with our family and be an active part of the conversations, deepening relationships. Allowing ourselves to quickly feel disappointed and then move past disappointment into being present is a sign of maturity and a great life skill.

Recognizing that the emotions are natural but not always healthy is important. And recognizing what are negotiable personal preferences vs non-negotiable beliefs is also important. The non-negotiable beliefs are worth standing up for and your willingness to let the negotiable items pass helps people to truly understand your passion when you choose a strong stance. If you are hard-nosed about everything, you are just a butthole. But if you choose arguments wisely, you will create deep relationships that allow you greater influence for the important stances.

So in the words of the great Kent Murphy, “let’s break this down from a fundamental standpoint.” We all need meaningful relationships to live a life worth living. But in order to have healthy relationships we have to be willing to put ourselves second sometimes. The ability to truly know ourselves and become better should be a challenge we are all willing to take. If learning to “get over myself” means I can draw closer to my friends and family, then that is my desire. Meaningful relationships with my family and friends are a true gift I am unwilling to ruin due to my pride. I hope you too will get over yourself for the sake of your relationships.